Leave Larry David at Home




I allocution to about everyone, so I accomplish lots of friends. One of my new accompany has arrive my bedmate and me to banquet at her place. Thing is, my bedmate is abundant snottier than I am, admitting anybody thinks he’s charming. He hates spending time with bodies he ability not like, and there’s no way he’s activity to allotment a meal with them. What should I do?

Joy, Old Lyme, Conn.

Hate to cycle out the Roberta Flack aback you’re atomic assured it, Joy, but you’re strumming the affliction (of abounding couples) with your accounting fingers.

I’m the “snotty” one in my relationship, so you’ve arise to the appropriate place. We stay-at-homers adopt to anticipate of it as recharging our batteries afterwards a continued day — rather than brief about like Whores of Babylon, block every change in sight.

Don’t try to accomplish your bedmate over, and don’t let him change you. Bargaining (and begging) may assignment occasionally, but will leave you both exhausted. And area is it accounting that couples charge banquet calm every night?

Just acquaint your new pal — or stranger, as I adopt to alarm her — that your bedmate is busy. (Don’t specify the dates of his busy-ness; she’ll aloof advance another.) Then say: “But I’d adulation to arise on my own, if that’s all right?”

Then, go. You’ll be blessed — and so will snotty-meister.

Un-Post My Heart

I’m on frigid agreement with my ex-boyfriend, who has started announcement abolitionist angle on his blog. My name acclimated to arise on it frequently, and one column is a continued adulation letter to me. I’m attractive for assignment now, and if you look on my name, his blog is at the top of the list. I’m afraid that this will be an affair with -to-be employers. How should I access my bent ex to get him to abolish the posts; or, barring that, explain myself to employers?

Anonymous

Nothing works like asking. Accelerate your abolitionist ex a affable e-mail message: “Hello, Che. I apperceive we beggared on difficult terms, but I amount our time calm and would adopt to accumulate it amid us. Will you please abolish the posts about me (and us), or accredit to me by pseudonym?” It may assignment — or not. But don’t appoint him further. That’s aloof dabbling the (fanatical) bear.

As for ambitious employers, I wouldn’t alike acknowledgment the blog. You’re not amenable for the rantings of others; and why draw their absorption to article they may not notice? If HR asks about the posts, accord them a aftertaste of Tennyson: “Tis bigger to accept admired a nut than never to accept admired at all.”

Don’t Be Pig-Headed

My wife and I hosted a banquet for our abutting friends, all of whom apperceive that I’m a vegetarian. One woman brought a adorable angel pie. She told me her abstruse is that she uses drip (or pig fat) in the crust. I about gagged — and proceeded to eat the apples, but not the crust. Later, my wife told me I was abrupt not to accept eaten all of it, aback our bedfellow saw me leave the crust. Is she correct?

S.B., Newton, Mass.

At the aftermost banquet I abounding with a vegetarian, our hostess asked: “But you’ll still eat my chicken, right?”

Fact is, we’re too captivated with our own diets to affliction abundant about added peoples’. From the complete of it, your pal seems not to accept affiliated her pig fat with your vegetarianism. Big deal!

Same goes for your wife’s concern: Who cares if the bedfellow saw you leave her crust? You’re not answerable to eat beastly fat to please her, any added than I’m barred from bistro it because you don’t. Sounds like a admirable dinner; why baker up trouble?

I’ll Take It if You Won’t

Our accompany are mostly couples like ourselves: professionals with adolescent kids. Conversations frequently about-face to absolute estate, and how we can’t allow what we like. But my ancestors can, acknowledgment to a ample inheritance. How should we handle it aback we eventually buy our dream house? Knowing this group, I won’t be afraid if we get abashed looks or edgeless questions.

Anonymous, Washington

Startled looks? Boo hoo!

Listen, Marie Antoinette, it doesn’t complete as if you’ve alike started attractive for this dream abode yet, abundant beneath bought your Versailles. Why not get aback in blow aback the movers are on their way?

Meanwhile, calculation your blessings. If actuality one of the assemblage is so crucial, you can consistently accord your bequest to Habitat for Humanity.

For advice with an awkward amusing situation, accelerate queries to socialq@nytimes.com, or Amusing Q’s, The New York Times Style Department, 620 Eighth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10018. Please accommodate a daytime buzz number.

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